Biggest Mistake
by PequaPrincess514
Summary: Monica makes a horrible mistake, causing Chandler to leave New York. Five years later, Chandler returns and Monica wants him back. Can their relationship be saved? C&M please r&r! FINISHED
1. Prologue

Biggest Mistake

**Disclaimer:  **I do not own anything having to do with "Friends".  They are the property of Bright, Kauffman, and Crane.

**Rating:** I'd say PG-13.

**Background Information:** This story is defiantly going to be a Monica/Chandler story, and like what will happen after the group parted.  The Prologue will take place in 1999, Monica and Chandler have already been together for over a year.  Don't take into consideration anything that happened during the seasons, because it's fiction.  It isn't really meant to be that funny, it's more like a drama!

**Enjoy!!**

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Prologue 

            Chandler opened the door to his and Monica's apartment.  He couldn't believe what he was going to do today.  The commitment-phobic Chandler was taking a step to be committed to one woman for the rest of his life.  It wasn't any woman, it was Monica.  Ever since the first day that he saw her, he knew, deep down inside that she was the one that was meant to be with him for the rest of his life.

            "Monica!?" Chandler called as he entered the apartment.  His heart stopped when he heard moaning and groaning from the bedroom.  He looked around the apartment and saw clothes scattered everywhere.  It wasn't like Monica to leave clothes around haphazardly.  Panicking Chandler opened their bedroom door.  His heart broke in half at the sight in front of him.

            Monica quickly pushed Joey off of her body and pulled the covers up over her. Joey scrambled around looking for his boxers, while Chandler stared at both of them blankly.  Tears filled his eyes.  He had never felt so hurt and so betrayed in his entire life.  This was the woman that he loved, the woman that he wanted to marry, and that was his best friend!  

"I thought that you were coming home late tonight, baby." Monica stated breaking the silence.

"Don't call me that!" Chandler replied bitterly.

"I'm sorry man." Joey looked into Chandler's eyes, "It just happened."

            Chandler didn't say anything; he just grabbed his suitcase and began stuffing his clothes into it.  Monica jumped out of bed and grabbed his arm, "Chandler don't do this!" She was on the verge of tears, "It was a mistake, I love you!"  

            Angrily Chandler slammed his suitcase shut, "Well, you should have thought about that before you slept with him, in _our_ bed!  But you didn't!"  With that Chandler left slamming the door shut behind him.

            Monica looked at Joey and then looked at the ground.  She picked up a small black box that apparently had fallen out of Chandler's pocket.  In it was a ring, and engraved on the inside was _M.G. & C.B._Sobbing Monica threw it against the wall.  She couldn't believe what she had just done.  _Chandler will come back, _she thought, _he has to._


	2. Chapter 1

**_I totally re-did this entire chapter, and I am going to re-do this entire story because I was unhappy with it.  Please Review! oOoOo and I do not own any of the characters, except for Sadie, she's my creation _****_J_******

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**Chapter 1**

_5 Years Later: 2004 _

Chandler sighed heavily as he shifted his weight from one foot to the other.  Carefully he moved the sleeping toddler to his other arm.  His feet were killing him and his arms were aching.  He had been standing outside of JFK for almost an hour now.  He could not believe that the usual punctual Ross was this late.  Chandler also regretted the fact that he actually decided to come back to New York.  He should have never let Ross talk him into it.  The city brought back too many painful memories for Chandler.  It took him a while to finally block out all of those memories and now he feared that they would resurface.  It had been five long years since he had stepped foot in New York.  One person, the woman who he thought was his soul mate kept him away from the city.  He knew that if he saw her again, old feelings would be resurfaced, and Chandler did not need that know.  He had other things more important to worry about then past loves.  

"Chandler!" Ross called snapping Chandler out of his thoughts. Ross hurriedly got out of the Saturn that he was driving and picked up Chandler's blue duffle bag.  He threw it into the back seat.  "Sorry about being late, I got held up at home." Ross apologized as soon as Chandler was about to open his mouth.  

Chandler gave a half-smile, "It's ok; you didn't have to pick me up, anyway."

An uncomfortable silence fell over the two former college roommates.  Ross searched for something to say, when he finally saw the bundle in Chandler's arms.  "Oh my God, Chandler, is she _yours_?" Ross questioned.  He never imagined Chandler as a parent; let alone what seemed to be a single father.

Lovingly Chandler looked down at the sleeping girl in his arms.  "Yea," as Chandler spoke about his daughter he glowed, "she's the one thing that keeps me going, my pride and joy." Chandler stated proudly. 

"Why didn't you tell Rachel and I about her?  We would have liked to go out and visited." Ross inquired feeling a bit hurt.  He couldn't believe that the friend that used to tell him everything would keep something so huge a secret.  

Chandler shrugged.  "I don't know." Chandler simply answered.  

Unfortunately Ross could not sense that Chandler did not want him to dig any deeper, "Where's her mother?"   Instantly regretting that he even opened his mouth when he saw the look on Chandler's face.  Not thinking before speaking really _was _his 'thing'.

Chandler looked down at his daughter with tears in his eyes.  "She's not around anymore."  Chandler dryly stated, "Anyway, it's getting cold out, can we just um, get into the car?" Chandler quickly changed the subject.  Sensing that he went too far and should not pry any further, Ross agreed.  

The car ride was very uncomfortable for both Chandler and Ross.  Although they had spent five years apart, they had nothing to talk about.  Chandler wanted to keep part of his life hidden, and Ross couldn't understand why.  With Chandler returning to New York, Ross thought that some of his unanswered questions to Chandler's sudden departure in 1999 would be answered.   As of now, it looked as if none of them would be answered.  The only two other people that seemed to know what ultimately led to Chandler's exit weren't talking, either.  Ross speculated what happened, but he never knew for a fact, and he wanted and needed to know.

"Ross, listen, can you just drop me off at a hotel?" Chandler spoke up just as they were crossing the bridge, "I don't want to burden you or Rachel.  You probably do not have enough room for Sadie and I to both stay in your apartment." 

"What?  Don't be crazy!  Hotels in this area are so over-priced.  We have enough room for you two."  Ross quickly answered back.  He wasn't going to let Chandler back out of this.  He spent too much time trying to get Chandler to New York to have him leave now.

Chandler sighed and glanced back at his daughter, Sadie, who thankfully was still sleeping.  "I can't see Monica." Chandler dryly stated.  Ross took his eyes off of the road for a moment and looked at Chandler.  He could see a flash of pain in his eyes.  "Or Joey." Chandler added.

"They aren't at my apartment tonight.  You won't be seeing them at all today." Ross answered, trying to remain as truthful as possible.  He knew that it was inevitable that Chandler would bump into one of the two.

"Ross, I'm serious." Chandler hissed, "I'm not ready to see them yet.  I cannot face them."

"Chandler, it's been five years.  It's time to get over it." Ross responded, "Monica was the love of your life and Joey was your best friend.  What could have they possibly done for you to detest them so much?"   

Chandler stood silent for a moment.  Gazing out at all the city that he once loved, "They tore my heart into pieces." 

Ross sighed.  "Look at your life now, Chandler.  You have a beautiful little girl.  If whatever that happened five years ago, didn't happen, you wouldn't have her.  That's a really good thing that came out of a horrible situation." Ross optimistically stated.  He needed to snap his friend out of it.  Never in a million years did Ross picture Chandler as a bitter person.  

  
  



	3. Chapter 2

_Author's Note: Please do me a favor and review this story!  I'd love to hear your opinions on how this is going, and to anyone who read my first version, which one do you like better?  Also, Chandler left New York during Season 5 (which I **think** was '99), just to clear things up.  So some of things that happened from then on Chandler does not know about.  Oh, and there is no Emma.  Ross and Rachel are living together, but have no kids.  Thanks for reading! _

Chapter 2 

When Ross had finally gotten to his apartment and found a parking space, Chandler was relieved.  He had forgotten how horrible traffic in Manhattan was, that was one aspect of the city that he did not miss at all.  Ross unlocked the backdoor and retrieved Chandler's duffle bag and suitcase, while Chandler picked up his daughter who, at the sign of her rubbing her eyes, was coming out of her slumber.  "Daddy, where is this?" Sadie softly whispered as she looked at her new surrounding, her blue eyes beginning to brim with tears.  Chandler could sense that she was overwhelmed with the new atmosphere, so he gently kissed the top of her soft brown hair.

"Remember, I told you that we were going to meet some of daddy's friends." Chandler explained to his daughter, "This is where they live."  

Sadie buried her head in Chandler's chest. "Too many people! Too big! I want go home!" Sadie cried.  Chandler could feel his shirt moisten as Sadie cried.  He gently rubbed her back, trying to get her to calm down, as he softly told her that everything was going to be all right.

"The apartment is just across the street, I'm sure that she'll be fine, once we get inside away from all of the commotion."  Ross told Chandler.  Chandler nodded and followed Ross to the building across the street.  Once they got inside, memories began to flood back to him.  He couldn't help but chuckle when he saw the stairwell that he, Ross, and Rachel tried to get that huge couch up.  But, Chandler was snapped back to reality, when he felt Sadie's arms drape around his neck.  He needed to forget about the past and focus on her.

Ross led father and daughter into his apartment; he put his keys down on the table and left the bags at the door, when Rachel entered from the kitchen.  "Oh Chandler, I'm so happy to see you! How have you been?" Rachel warmly greeted him, and was going to embrace him in a hug, but stopped when she saw what Chandler was holding.  "Now, who is this young lady?" Rachel questioned, tickling Sadie's stomach.

"I'm Sadie! Who are you?" Sadie giggled, as she tried to wriggle away from Chandler's clutch.  She already liked Rachel, and was beginning to get more comfortable in her new environment, away from the busy city streets.

When Chandler set her down, Rachel bent to her level, "I'm one of your daddy's," Rachel looked up at Chandler when she said daddy, he never said that he was Sadie's father, but any idiot could tell that she was, she was his spinning image, "friends from _way _before you were born."  

"Really?"  

"Uh huh." Rachel replied.  She stood up at looked at Chandler who kept a watchful eye on his daughter.  "She is the cutest little girl that I have ever seen!" Rachel marveled, "How old is she?" 

"Just turned three in May." Chandler replied proudly never taking his eyes off of his daughter.  Rachel smiled, she couldn't believe that Chandler had a daughter, and how fatherly he was acting.  She imagined how Ross must have reacted when he saw Chandler at the airport with a little girl in his arms.  She glanced at Ross, and then at the apartment across the street.  Rachel could not help but notice that Monica was watching them from her apartment.  She knew how much pain Monica must be in right now, and she wished that she never told her that Chandler was coming to visit them.  It had been months after Chandler's departure that Monica had finally gotten over him, and Rachel knew that Monica saw Chandler, with a kid nonetheless, it would rehash her old emotions and pain.

"So, is her mommy back in California?" Rachel questioned.  She then looked at Ross who was shaking his head.

"I'm a single parent." Chandler plainly stated.  He didn't want to get into anything about Sadie's mother; it was too soon. 

hr

Monica looked at the sight before her.  She had been sitting at the window all day, waiting for him to come.  She had hoped that he would have returned as an ugly, bearded, dirty, scoundrel, but that was not the case.  He was more handsome then she had last remembered him.  Tears slide down her cheek as she thought about everything that she had lost.  Carefully she thumbed the cool golden ring in her hand.  There had not been a day in the whole five years since his disappearance that she had not held that ring.  She always thought about what could have been.  Monica closed her eyes and imagined how her wedding would have been.  Chandler would be standing at the alter, happily smiling as she walked down the isle.  However, when Monica opened her eyes, she was faced with the cruel reality that that wedding had never happened.  Sleeping with Joey was the biggest mistake that she had ever made, and it had cost her so much.  She had lost her soul mate and she had lost her future.  Monica would do anything to turn back time, but she couldn't.  She had to live with the consequences of the biggest mistake of her life.


	4. Chapter 3

**_Authors Note:_**_I am so sorry that I have not updated for a while, but unfortunately, I was very sick.  When I thought that I was getting better, the illness that I had took the best of me.  Thankfully, I am slowly getting better.  Hopefully, I will be able to supply you with regular updates.  Thank you for being so patient.  I hope that you enjoy the rest of the story.  Please read and review!_

Chapter 3 

The sun warmly beamed in on Chandler's face as he slowly opened his eyes, adjusting to his new surroundings.  He looked down at Sadie, who was sleeping peacefully, sprawled across his chest.  A smile spread across face whenever he saw her.  Carefully Chandler lifted her tiny body off of his, and laid her down softly next to him.  Yawning, Chandler let his feet touch the cool wood.  He pulled the bunched up covers at the bottom of the bed over his daughter's body.  Then, he put on a pair of blue jeans and pulled a dark blue t-shirt over his head.  He rummaged through the suitcase and retrieved a pair of Sadie's denim overalls and a pink shirt, placing them over the chair for when she woke up.  He took one last look at her, making sure that she was soundly asleep, before leaving the room, carefully closing the door behind him.

When Chandler entered the hallway, he couldn't help but overhear the not so hushed conversation that Ross and Rachel were having in the kitchen.

"Did Monica tell you what happened between her and Chandler?" Ross inquired.

"No, I could get nothing out of her.  I still wonder what happened, it must have been pretty horrible for Chandler to leave like that.  He told me that day that he was going to propose!  Monica even has the ring!" Rachel replied.  Even with the sensitive topic of the conversation, Chandler could not help but slightly chuckle at the fact that Rachel was still a gossip.  He knew that she would never be able to keep that New Years resolution that she made at the brink of the millennium.

"Rach, do you think that Monica cheated--" with hearing Ross say that, Chandler entered the kitchen.  Ross and Rachel's conversation quickly took on a new topic, "You'll have the pancakes?" Ross quickly questioned Rachel. 

Rachel gave him a perplexed glance, "Yea, thanks," She replied, "Chandler, do you like pancakes?" Rachel looked over at Chandler who sat down in the chair across from her.  

"Of course." Chandler replied, grabbing the daily newspaper that was sitting on the table.  He thumbed through the paper, acting as if he did not hear a word that they said before his entry.

A comfortable silence fell upon the three friends.  Even though Chandler left New York, he still kept in contact with Ross and Rachel, and considered them his friends.  If anything, the trip back to New York was for them.  They needed answers, and when the time was right, Chandler was going to tell them.  "Is Sadie still sleeping?" Rachel inquired looking around the kitchen for the energetic toddler.

Chandler gazed up from the paper and at Rachel, "Yea, she's still on California time, and was wiped out from the trip."  Chandler sighed putting the paper down and glancing at the clock.  9:54.  It had been over three years since he had actually slept past 7.  He actually didn't mind waking up early, but was glad that he was able to sleep late today.  Ross took Chandler out his reminiscent thoughts when he put a plate filled with the warm buttermilk pancakes in the middle of the table.  Chandler glanced at the clock before he even touched his plate.  He knew that Sadie would either be up already or waking up shortly, so he excused himself to check up on her.  

"Daddy!" Sadie gleefully shouted her arms stretched out towards him.  Chandler smiled at her, and gently picked her up, embracing her in his arms.  The smell of sleep was still on her, so he knew that she had just woken up.

"Good morning, sweetie." Chandler lovingly said giving her a kiss.  As Chandler changed Sadie into the outfit that he had set out, he could hear a persistent loud knocking on the door.   He could hear either Rachel or Ross get the door and then angry hushed voices, telling the apparently unwelcome visitor to leave now.

Sadie looked up at Chandler confused, "What's dat daddy?" She asked.

"I don't know baby, let's go check it out." Chandler replied as he hooked Sadie's overalls.  He took her in her arms, as he went to check out what all of the commotion was.

~*~*~*~

Monica woke up, just like she did every morning, alone.  When she got out of bed, she instinctively looked at herself in the mirror.  She looked horrible.  Last night was one of the worst nights that she had had in a long time.  The thoughts and feelings that she had for Chandler were in her head and unlike most nights, they never left.  

"You are going to right the mistake that I made five years ago, today." Monica forcefully told herself, trying to muster up some courage.  She looked over at her nightstand.  The blank velvet box stared at her.  It was an eerie reminder of what she had lost.  Five years of her life had been wasted, and she didn't intend on wasting five more.  Monica didn't care what Rachel had said to her.  She was going to go over to her apartment, no matter what.  Nothing could keep her from going over there, from seeing Chandler.  She needed to talk to him.  She needed to explain everything to him.  He had a right to know what happened that night, and no matter how much Rachel and Ross told her that Chandler did not care, Monica knew that he did.  He did care.  And she knew that Chandler still loved her.  If he did not care about her, then he would have moved on.  He would have found a new woman, he would have gotten marred, and he would have had children.  From the letters that Rachel had secretly shown her, none of that had happened.  Monica did wonder whom that little girl that she saw there last night was, though.  She didn't see her there this morning, so it was probably just only one of the neighbor's children that Rachel sometime watches.

Monica sighed to herself.  She put on a kaki floor length skirt and a peasant top.  Her make-up and hair looked exquisite, she was determined to look amazing for Chandler.  She wanted him to see the love in her eyes, and know that she was truly sorry for hurting him.  She wanted to make love to him again, all night long, like they used to do.  

Grabbing the velvet box from her nightstand, Monica exited the apartment.   She practically ran out of her building and into the building across the street.  She could not get to that apartment fast enough.  Running up the flights of stairs, Monica was breathless when she came to Ross and Rachel's apartment.  She began banging furiously on the door.  "Come on answer!" Monica's small voice shouted out.

A rush of warm air flew over Monica, when Rachel opened the door.  Ross was behind her with a not to pleased expression on his face.

"Monica you have to leave!" Rachel angrily whispered through clenched teeth.  She did not want Chandler to hear this.  It would infuriate him if he saw Monica.

Monica pushed past Rachel and firmly stated, "No I am not leaving!  I need to tell Chandler something!   I have to tell him." 

Ross shook his head, "Things have changed, Monica.  Please, do what's best and leave.  Leave now!" Ross angrily declared trying to push his sister out of his apartment.  He couldn't imagine what Chandler would do if he saw Monica standing in the living room.

"The only thing that has changed is that Chandler is here in New York, and I can finally talk to him.  You two can't hide how I can contact him anymore!" Monica shouted, her voice rose with every word that came out of her mouth.

"Monica…" Ross started but stopped when Chandler appeared carrying Sadie in his arms.  

Monica froze, her heart fluttered at the sight of Chandler, but then sunk when she saw the little girl in his arms.  It couldn't be!  But Monica's worst fears were confirmed with what was spoken next, "Daddy, what's wrong?"

No one spoke, the room was silent.


	5. Chapter 4

**_Authors Note: _**_Sorry to keep you guys hanging!  Thanks for all of the well-wishes!!! I really appreciated the card that you sent me catnamedzane!! SFGrl thanks for the info! I did not even realize that I was only accepting signed reviews!  To everyone else I'm glad that you are reading my story and actually like it! Please Read and Review!   _

Chapter 4 

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Ross and Rachel did not move, not only were they afraid to, but they were in such shock that they could not move even if they wanted to.  They both knew that inevitably Chandler would have an encounter with either Monica or Joey, but they never expected it to be so soon after his arrival and in their own home!

Monica could not speak, it was not that she had to; the look in her eyes said it all.  She was not only shocked, but part of her was hurt.  She could not believe how stupid she was! Of course Chandler was going to move on.  What happened between her and Joey was five years ago; Chandler was a kind and caring man with an extraordinary soul, what woman would not want him?  It was not like she expected him to wait and realize that she really loved him.  Monica knew that she deeply hurt Chandler when she slept with Joey.  Why would he even want her anymore?  This was all too much for her.  She wanted to run out and leave, she wanted to go home to the solace of her room and cry, but something was keeping her there.  Chandler was keeping here there.  The way that he looked at her, the pain in his eyes when he saw her, it was the same pain in his eyes that was there when he entered the bedroom that fateful day.  Monica could see that deep down inside of his heart, Chandler still loved her.  

Chandler was the first to say something.  When he spoke to his daughter the hurt and pain in his eyes disappeared and was replaced with tender love.  "Sadie, sweetie, can you go with Ross and Rachel while daddy talks to this lady?" Chandler spoke softly and calmly.  

"Ok, daddy." Sadie replied.  Chandler smiled and tenderly kissed the top of her head.  Rachel slowly walked over to Chandler and gently lifted Sadie out of Chandler's arms.

"I love you sweetie." Chandler whispered to Sadie, to reassure her that everything was going to be ok.  "Take good care of her, ok." Chandler looked at Rachel.  

"Of course I will." Rachel replied, smiling back, "Ross and I will take her down to the park." Chandler smiled and nodded his head, as if to say that it was all right.  

The two former lovers said nothing to each other as Ross and Rachel gathered their things.  They both stood silently, waiting for them to leave.  Ross patted Chandler's back before he left as a sign that everything will turn out to be fine.  Monica waited until the door closed tightly behind Ross and she knew that they were safely down the hall, until she said anything.

"Chandler, I still have it." Monica spoke softly.  She did not have to show Chandler the velvet box in her pocket for him to understand what she meant, but she did anyway.    

Chandler snatched it out of her hand and threw it across the floor, causing it to open and its content to glide across the floor.  "I should have never wasted my money on the damn thing!  It means nothing!" Chandler replied bitterly.

Monica flinched at the tone in his voice.  Even though she somewhat expected his harsh tone, it would be a lie to say that it did not hurt.  "Chandler, you don't mean that?" 

There were tears in Chandler's eyes as he spoke, "Of course I mean it!  When I saw you in there with Joey, my best friend, my heart broke into pieces!  I realized that you didn't love me!  You never did, Monica!"

Monica stood there, baffled at what he was saying.  She could not believe that he was being so harsh!  "I loved you!" Monica screamed through tears, "I still love you!  If I didn't then why the hell would I keep that ring?"

Chandler did not take time to comprehend what Monica was saying.  He was brimming with so much buried anger and emotion that he could not even think.  "You betrayed me!  You slept with my best friend!  There is no way that you could have loved me!  I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you!  I wanted you to be the mother of my children!  When you fucked my best friend you threw that all away!  You threw away my love, you were the one who ruined our relationship, not me." Chandler was crying now.  He could not hold it in any longer; the salty tears cascaded down his cheek like Niagara Falls.  

"You fucking asshole!" Monica screamed slapping him hard across the face.  She was so overcome with emotion that she did not know what she was doing.  "It was an accident!  It was a mistake!" Monica screamed her whole body shook as she spoke.

Chandler glared at her, rubbing his sore cheek.  His warm tears stung as they slid down his face.  "Why am I the asshole?  You are the one that stormed in here like a fucking madwoman!  I wasn't the one that gave up on our relationship!"  Chandler kept at it.  He couldn't stop speaking even though his head throbbed and his eyes stung.  His throat was sore and scratchy, but none of these things kept him from letting out how he really felt.

"How can you say that?" Monica fumed, "You were the one that ran off!  Escaping your problems like a little child would!  Obviously you didn't care about me that much, if you run off have sex with another woman and produce a child!  That was your mistake!  Making that little bastard child of yours!"

"Don't you dare bring my daughter into this!" Chandler furiously yelled, "Leave.  Get out of my sight, you disgust me."  His tone changed from bitter anger to revulsion and loathing.

The fury that was in Monica's eyes turned instantly into pain and regret.  Why couldn't she take control of her emotions?  Why did she have to slap Chandler and then mention his daughter in that context?  "I'm so sorry Chandler!" Monica cried like a child would, "I didn't mean it.  Your daughter is beautiful."

"You need to go." Chandler stated through clenched teeth.  He couldn't stand the sight of her anymore.  He knew that he was brought up to never hit a woman, but right now all that he wanted to do was to slap Monica.  She had gone to far.  She had not only degraded him, but also degraded his daughter, which was far worse crime in his eyes.  If she wanted to slap him, then fine, he could deal with that, but he could not deal with a grown woman bashing an innocent child.  

"Please!" Monica begged, "Please, Chandler!  Don't do this!  I love you and I know that you love me too."  Chandler did not answer.  He just glared at her.  There was nothing that he could say, nothing that he wanted to say to her.  

Monica looked into his eyes and at his face and it was then that she fully realized what she had done.  She had quite possibly ruined any slim chance that she could get back together to him.  Monica did not know what to say or do.  The only thing that she felt was hopelessness.  She was lost.  At least before this hurricane of emotions, she had hope, now she was left with nothing.  Absolutely nothing.  Monica looked back at Chandler once more before she left.  She whispered I love you, one last time before closing the door behind her.  

As she walked farther and farther away from the apartment the tears began to come down her face more and more, until they were a monsoon.  When she got into her apartment she slammed her door and sunk down on the floor.  Her body shook uncontrollably with sobs.  She had more then ruined her life.  Once Chandler had told Rachel and Ross the horrid things that she had said and done, they would never want to speak to her again.  They would never talk to her.  She knew that Chandler would never forgive her for what she had said about his daughter.  She could not believe that she had said that.  What possessed her to be so cruel, so heartless?  

To Monica it seemed like she was crying for hours, but in reality she was only crying for a matter of minutes.  Gradually she got up off of the floor and wiped her coarse tear stained face with the back of her hand.  She closed her eyes and relived the storm of words that she had had with Chandler just moments before.  Coughing, she walked over to her window and gazed out of it.  As she stared across the street into Ross and Rachel's apartment, she could see Chandler.  In his face there was so much pain, so much hurt, so much anger.  She hated the fact that she was the cause of all of those negative feelings.  Once again she succeeded in hurting the only man that she ever really loved.  The one man that she wanted to marry.  She had once again stomped all over his heart.

Chandler winced when Monica slammed the door behind her.  At that moment, all of the pain that he had experienced the day that he saw her cheating on him resurged.  After he had left New York and moved to California, he had spent months getting over her, and he thought that he had actually gotten over her.  He had met a wonderful woman and fell in love all over again.  He had not told any of his friends that he had still kept in touch with in New York about this woman; he didn't know why he didn't tell.  Subconsciously it was because he still loved Monica and did not want her to find what he had done.  Even though she had hurt him, he did not want to hurt her.  Once he entered New York those feelings changed.  He no longer cared if he hurt her or not.  In fact, with the harsh words that he used towards her, it was obvious that he did want to hurt her.  Part of him wanted her to experience all of the pain that she both directly and indirectly put him through.  There was another part of him that wanted to reach out to her and to caress her face.  Chandler knew that part of him would always love her, no matter what she had done or the things that she had said.  Love worked in strange ways. 

Chandler sighed and sprawled out across the cool leather sofa.  He closed his eyes tightly and began to rub his temples.  His head was throbbing and he was emotionally drained.  The tears that he tried to hold back began to trickle down his cheek.  He was so absorbed in his pain and misery that he did not hear Ross and Rachel reenter the apartment.  A small hand touched his cheek and wiped away the tears.

"Daddy, you crying 'cause you miss mommy?" Sadie's small saddened voice asked him.  Chandler sat up and weakly nodded his head yes.  "I miss her too." Sadie replied softly embracing her father in a hug.  Chandler rubbed her back waiting for the inevitable tears to plummet down her cheeks.  

Ross and Rachel stood silently, dumb-founded as they watched the sad scene before them.  There was so much that they did not know about Chandler's new life, and they were determined to find out and help him through this emotional time.


	6. Chapter 5

**_Author's Note: _**_Sorry for not updating!!! Junior year is hell!!!  So many things that you have to do… And teachers always give millions of tests the week before vacation.  Winter break is finally here! So… that means more time to write.  My computer won't let sent any reviews.  Does anyone know if there's like something that I can do, so I will be able to write them?  Thanks for the help.  Please review! I'd greatly appreciate it!  Oh and happy Valentines Day!_

Chapter 5 

Chandler stood in the room that Ross had set up for him for hours.  While he was in there his heart broke into a million pieces as he watched his daughter cry herself to sleep.  Sadie needed a mother, she needed a woman's love, and it pained Chandler that she would never be able to have her mother's love again.  He tried the best that he could to be both a father _and _a mother to Sadie, but he could not do it.  His life was overwhelming him.

As Chandler sat against the hard headboard so many thoughts entered his mind.  He should have never let his emotions get the best of him.  It had been so long since he had shed tears.  Everyone back in California told him that he had to be strong for the sake of his daughter.  Although many times he wanted to cry, and needed to cry, he never did.  He was always afraid that Sadie would hear him or come into the room when he was crying.   

It was all too much for Chandler today though.  His pain, anger, and sadness just kept on building up and seeing and hearing Monica say those horrible words made him burst inside.  He couldn't help crying, it was as if his world was crashing in on him once again.  

Sadie stirred in her sleep, lifting Chandler out of his profound thoughts, awaking him to reality.  Chandler kissed the top of Sadie's head.  He was going to enlighten his friends on what had really happened in California.  He was going to tell them the truth and not sugar coat it like he did in the letters that he sent them and the phone calls that he made.  Chandler needed to tell them, not only because they had a right to know, but also because it was necessary to get it off of his chest.

Before Chandler left his room, he made sure that Sadie was sound asleep.  He did not want her to hear what he was going to say.  Fortunately, she was in a deep sleep.  Closing the door behind him, Chandler entered the living room bracing himself for what he was going to say.

Ross and Rachel were sitting on the couch watching TV, but they quickly turned it off once Chandler entered the room.  They both could see the anguish in his eyes and they could sense that he wanted to talk to them.

"Chandler are you alright?" Rachel asked when he sat down on the chair adjacent to the couch.  She rubbed his arm for comfort when she witnessed him swallow deeply.

Chandler closed his eyes slowly and just as slowly as he closed them he opened them up again.  "There is something that I have to tell you."  Chandler solemnly stated.  Rachel gave a sympathetic nod and a small smile while Ross just stood silently watching his friends.  Chandler continued in a hushed tone; "You both have the right to know why I left the city.  The day that I left, I was going to propose to Monica," Chandler stopped for a moment, breathing out slowly, "when I got to the apartment and into my bedroom, I saw Monica and Joey…" Chandler stopped again; his throat clicked as he tried to hold back the tears, he was too emotional today.  "They were having sex in _our _bed.  I was so hurt and so upset, that I didn't think rationally, I just fled." 

"Oh my God!" Ross gasped.  He never wanted his suspicions to be proven true.  He could not believe that Monica would do that to Chandler!  She had been so distraught after he had left.

Chandler sighed, "There is so much more though."

Rachel put her hand on his knee, "You can tell us.  We will listen."

Nodding, Chandler continued, "The first months in California were horrible, I missed you guys and Monica terribly, but then I met this wonderful woman."  Chandler stopped at the thought of her.  Tears came to his eyes whenever he mentioned her, "Her name was Adriana.  I fell madly in love with her, head over heals, we actually got married."  It was then that Chandler reached into his pocket, taking out his wallet.  He thumbed through the thousands of photos of Sadie, until he came across the picture that he looked at before he went to asleep every night.  Carefully, he took it out and passed it over to a shocked Rachel and Ross.   

Rachel stared at the photograph of Chandler in a tuxedo and a beautiful woman with gorgeous dark hair and deep brown eyes in a crisp white wedding dress with awe.  She could not believe that Chandler would not tell them about his wedding, it was supposed to be the happiest day of his life and she would have loved to share it with him.  

Ross was in shock.  He could not say anything.  His ears couldn't possibly be hearing things correctly.  

Before either of the two shock-stricken friends could say anything Chandler continued, "I'm sorry that I never told you.  I just did not want Monica to know, and I knew that you would have told her."  Rachel just nodded.  She did not know what else to do.  It took Chandler a moment before he could get out the rest of he wanted to say.  He knew that he deeply hurt his friends by not inviting them to the wedding or even telling them about it. 

 "After the wedding, Adriana found out that she was pregnant.  I was elated.  Sadie was born three days after our first wedding anniversary.  Our lives were perfect.  We were so happy.  We had bought a new house and were even planning on having another child, when our whole world collapsed.  Adriana was diagnosed with ovarian cancer."  Tears began to well up in Chandler's sad blue eyes, burning them.  He blinked rapidly, trying to get them to stop.  "She passed away seven months ago." Chandler could not say anything more.  

"I'm so sorry." Rachel soothed embracing Chandler in a hug.  She could not believe how horrible Chandler's life was; he never seemed to get a break.  There was always something negative that happened to him.


	7. Chapter 6

**_Author's Note: _**_Thanks for all of the reviews! I hope that you like the story and the direction that it is going!  Feel free to e-mail me with any suggestions; I'll gladly take them into consideration!  _

Chapter 6 

****

Monica began pacing back and forth wearing out her living room floor beneath her.  She had a sinking, horrible, feeling in her stomach.  There were so many wrongs that she needed to right, which made her was literally disgusted with herself.  Monica plopped herself down on her couch, sinking into the cushions.  Closing her eyes she began to think of ways to try to reconcile with all of the people that she had hurt.  But the cruel reality was that she was not ready to face the world.  She was not ready to admit to anyone what she had done.  The only people that knew were her, Joey, and Chandler and she wanted to keep it that way.  She could not imagine what her brother and Rachel would do if they found out the truth.  Chandler would not tell them.  He had not up to this point and it had been five years.  What was the point in telling now?

Abruptly taking Monica out of her thoughts was a hard loud knocking on the door that shook the whole apartment.  Lifting herself up, Monica winced at the sound.  Sluggishly, Monica dragged herself to her apartment door and opened it up.  

"I cannot believe you!" Rachel screamed, pushing past Monica, inviting herself into the apartment.

"Well, hello to you too." Monica replied sarcastically.  She pushed the door, causing it to slam hard.  Rachel stood silent as her face began to warm and brim with anger.  Monica sighed heavily.  "Whatever Chandler told you, he was lying." She quickly remarked childishly, unable to face the truth.

"Is that so?" Rachel scowled.  Then, she proceeded by slamming her black Guess pocketbook down on the brightly colored table.  "You're the liar Monica!" Rachel bellowed.  

Monica flinched.  "What are you talking about?" Monica snapped back, trying to get herself out of the hole that was already so deeply dug into the ground.

"You're the liar!" Rachel angrily retorted, "When Chandler left, you made it seem like you were so innocent, like you were the victim."

"I was." Monica replied plainly.  She couldn't believe that she was actually playing this game.  She knew that Rachel knew what happened, but she could not help it.  She had been living a lie for too long.  

"No you weren't!  Don't play cutesy with me, Monica!  I know!  We all know and your bullshit isn't going to work with me and Ross anymore.  So why don't you fess up.  Be a big girl and admit it.  Admit that you slept with Joey.  Admit that _you_ were the one who fucked up your relationship with Chandler!" Rachel stood with her arms crossed and her feet planted firmly on the ground.  Monica looked down.  She was so ashamed.  There was nothing that she could say or do that would get her out of this mess.  "Do you even realize that magnitude of what you did?"  

Monica could tell that Rachel was infuriated.  She had never seen her this upset, not even during the whole _'we are on a break'_ situation.  Monica stood silent.  She could feel her ears burning with embarrassment.

"Because of the fucked up shit that you did, you put a caring and loving man through hell!!! Chandler will never be the same person that he was back in '99 ever again!"

Monica looked at Rachel in the eye.  She had had enough of the yelling and screaming; she was not a little child who was getting in troubled by mommy.  "We all change, Rach."

Rachel looked straight into Monica's stormy blue eyes.  Monica did not blink.  Her mouth stood puckered and eyes flashed both anger and pain.  "Can't you just be woman enough to admit it?" Rachel spoke calmly, but forcefully.

"Fine!" Monica relinquished, "I slept with Joey.  It was the biggest, most foolish mistake of my life and there is not one day that I don't regret it."

"Then go back to my apartment and right that mistake.  You wasted five years of your life, don't waste five more." Rachel pleaded.

Monica shook her head, "No, Chandler doesn't want to see me.  Not after what I said."  A look of shock and surprise came across Rachel's face.  "He didn't tell you?"  Rachel frowned and shook her head no.  Monica was taken aback.  She thought for sure that Chandler would have told them all of those horrible and nasty things that she had said.  Monica thought that that was the reason why Rachel had came over here.  

"What did you say?" Rachel questioned, grabbing her pocketbook off of the table and slinging it over her shoulder.  With a grimace on her face and regret in her eyes, Monica told Rachel everything.  When Monica was done, Rachel could not even believe it.  "How could you say those things Monica?" Rachel asked with disbelief, "And to say that about his daughter!" Rachel shook her head.

Monica exhaled noisily.  "Do you think that he will ever forgive me?"  She asked barely above a whisper.  She was so ashamed of herself; part of her wished that Chandler had told Rachel, so she wouldn't have gone through the humiliation of telling her.  

Rachel bit her lip.  "I honestly do not know.  So many things have happened to him, so many things that you don't even know about."  Rachel sighed, as she walked out of the apartment, there was doubt in her mind that Chandler would ever forgive Monica.  She had done so much to hurt him, and it was such a shame because those two were true soul mates.  They were meant for each other.  He was her lobster.

_Sorry this chapter is a little shorter than usual!  I promise to get another one out either tomorrow or Wednesday! I hope that you enjoyed the chapter!  Please read and review! _


	8. Chapter 7

_Authors Note: __Thanks for everyone for your reviews and your suggestions!!! I did take them into consideration and I greatly appreciate any of the advice that you give me! Exintaris: thanks for the advice.  Hopefully you'll like this chapter! _

Chapter 7

****

Monica closed her eyes tightly and thought about everything that Rachel had told her.  The whole conversation with Rachel had really impacted Monica.  It was not until then that reality hit her like a sledgehammer.  

"Fuck." Monica mumbled to herself.  She had messed up so bad, and she felt so horrible for being the cause of Chandler's pain.  As Monica closed her eyes, her mind raced back to that fateful day, of the events that lead her to make the biggest mistake of her life.  

_~1999~_

_Monica sat on the toilet, with a stick in her hands, waiting for the results of a simple little test.  She had wanted this since she was twelve, but now that her dreams could finally come true it scared her.  A beeping sound came from the kitchen and with shaking handing, Monica picked up the egg white stick.  As her eyes gazed upon the stick, tears began to form in her eyes._

_Shaking, Monica remembered what her gynecologists had told her years earlier, that she most likely would never become pregnant.  There was something wrong with her uterus, it was crooked and the lining would not be able to support a growing baby.  It killed her inside to know this.  She had always hoped that the doctor was wrong, but she knew deep down that that was not the case.  She would never be blessed with a child, and she would never be able to bless Chandler with a child._

_Monica looked at herself in the mirror and placed her hand on her stomach.  Tears slide down her face as she thought about what she could have had with Chandler, if she was fertile.  Her friends at work were having children; people who did not want kids were having them, why couldn't she have a child?  She wanted one so badly.  Chandler had wanted a child, even though he never voiced that he wanted one, Monica knew that he did.  He would have made a great father.  _

_If the test had proved that she was indeed pregnant, Monica was going to tell him tonight.  She had planned out a perfect meal.  But that was never going to happen. Not now, not ever._

_Monica looked out the bathroom window and opened it up, letting the warm afternoon air blow across her face.  Angrily, she took the EPT test and snapped it in half, throwing the two pieces into the Manhattan street below her.  Finally, she let a suppressed sob out.  No one would ever know about her infertility, no one needed to know.  She would find a way to get pregnant, and that would be fine.  If there is will, there is always a way.  Entering her bedroom, Monica slumped down into the corner, and began to hysterically cry.  Creaking behind her caused a startled Monica to twist around suddenly.  "Joey!" Monica gasped, "What are you doing here?" Monica asked guarded, trying to wipe her tears with the back of her hand. It was to no avail, though, because Joey had already seen the salty water glisten on her cheeks.  With his thumb he wiped them away._

_"Is something bothering you?" Joey asked in a hushed voice, holding Monica close to his body.  Monica released herself to the warmth and security of Joey's touch.  Tears fell down her cheeks as she nodded.  "What happened?" _

_Monica backed away, "It's a long story." She whispered.  _

_Joey embraced Monica and walked her over to the bed.  They both sat down.  "I have time." She could feel his warm breath on her neck.  _

_Monica shut her eyes.  All that she wanted to be was with Chandler, she was too vulnerable right now; she didn't need this temptation.  All of her former feelings for Joey were resurfacing. "I don't want to talk.  I just want to be held." Monica cried in a hushed voice._

_Putting one arm around Monica, Joey pulled her close to his body.  Monica could hear his heart beating faster and faster with every second.  Emotions flooded her and before she could even realize what she was doing, she planted her lips firmly on Joey's.  _

Opening her eyes abruptly, Monica reentered present time.  She had spent so many years blocking out that day, it hurt her to remember it.  There were events that happened that she still honestly did not remember.  She never remembered having sex with the Joey; she had buried those thoughts.  The one image that she not want to remember was implanted in her mind in defiantly.  It was the expression on Chandler's face when he saw her with another man.  The expression in his eyes.  That expression of pain and hurt, she would never be able to forget it.  Keeping the truth from him hurt him more then if she would have told him.  

Telling Chandler the truth would have been painful for both Monica and him, but they would have been able to work through it.  She regretted not trusting their relationship enough to tell him.  Instead, she hurt Chandler; instead of giving him love, she gave him piercing pain.  

Monica looked out the window the glowing sun was setting.  The warmth of the summer sun was fading, just like the warmth that she and Chandler had.  Liking her lip, Monica made up her mind.  Grabbing her indigo jean jacket, Monica headed for the door.  Chandler needed to know what happen and Monica needed to tell him.  She needed to get this dark secret off of her chest.  It was confining her, holding her down.  Once she told him what happened, she would just leave.  Give him time to think, give him time to put his life into perspective.  Monica was aware that he did have a daughter now, and he needed to not only think about himself, but his daughter and even his daughter's mother as well.  All that she could do was apologize, for that day five years ago and the argument that she had with him earlier.  She would have to wait and see if he would forgive her.  She hoped and prayed that he would.  Monica needed him around her again.  She needed to be with him, she needed to have someone that loved her. __


	9. Chapter 8

**_Authors Note: _**_I cannot tell you enough how much I need to get reviews! I was planning on adding this chapter Thursday, but I had writers block! Please leave your suggestions, please! I love all of the messages that you leave in the reviews and I greatly appreciate the people who have been reviewing! Thanks a lot!  Oh, and this may sound funny, but I do not know what the name of the hat that Sadie's going to be wearing here, we just call it Fisherman's hats in our town, but here's a picture, so you get the idea of how it looks , it's the white one._

****

Chapter 8 

The city air felt good on his face.  It was nice to get out of the stifling apartment.  When he was California, Chandler missed the city life, but now more than ever he missed his quiet suburban town.  Life in the suburbs were much more tight-knit.  Everybody in the town knew everybody else, and that could never happen in a city as huge as New York.  He could not wait until he returned home.  Seeing Ross and Rachel again was amazing, but seeing Monica had been terrible.  

Chandler had dressed Sadie up in a white jumper with a baby blue shirt underneath because he planned on going to a nice restaurant.  He was going to make the best of this trip because he was planning on never coming back.

"Daddy, where are we going?" Sadie questioned.  Her big brown eyes were wide, taking in all of the sights and sounds of the city.

Chandler looked at his daughter who had her hands tightly wrapped around his neck.  Manhattan terrified her. "We're goin…" Chandler stopped short when he bumped into a slightly shorter dark-haired gentleman, "Sorry." Chandler instantly apologized.

"Watch where you're…" The man snapped angrily, but the expression of anger changed on his face changed when his eyes recognized who was standing before him. "Oh my God! Chandler?" he gasped.

Silence.  Chandler squinted as he tried to remember who the man was.  Confusion instantly transformed into much deeper emotions when Chandler became aware of who the person before him was.  "Daddy, who is dat?" Sadie asked.  Chandler did answer her either.  He continued walked.  

The Italian gentleman grabbed Chandler's arm, forcing him to swiftly turn around. "Can't we talk?" He asked him with pleading eyes.

Uncomfortable silence fell upon them.  The bustling city seemed to stop.  As it awaited Chandler's response, it felt as if only the three of them were alive.  Chandler licked his lips and shifted his weight from one foot to the other.  Sadie leaned her head on Chandler's shoulder.  The man did not speak, he did not move.  "Fine." Chandler let out after what seemed like hours, in a breath of air.  

They walked over to the diner and entered, sitting themselves at the nearest table.  None of them spoke until the waitress came over and ordered their drinks.

"Is she your daughter?" the man asked as he watched Sadie play with her hat.  She was so quiet for a toddler and she was incredibly adorable.

Chandler smiled slightly. "Yea." Chandler responded, placing a loving hand on Sadie's shoulder.  "But let's not get into chit chat, Joey." Chandler snapped, he did not have to raise his voice, because the tone of it was bitter.  

Joey blinked.  He knew that Chandler was holding back his anger because his child was there to witness the confrontation.  "You have every right to be upset." Joey kept calm and rational.  He never expected that Chandler would actually talk to him, and while Chandler was sitting in front of him, Joey had no intention of further pissing him off.  "I am truly sorry for what happened, and I know that Monica is too." 

"Can you just tell me why?" Chandler asked and for an instant, he looked directly into Joey's eyes, quickly looking away.  Chandler fumbled with his napkin, twirling it around in his hand due to nervousness.

Joey sighed.  He knew that this question was going to come up, but he thought that he could have prolonged it a bit more.  "It happened so fast, and it was so long ago…" Joey trailed off at the sight of waitress.  Both estranged friends watched as she placed their drinks in front of them and a coloring book in front of Sadie.  After taking their orders she left, leaving them once again to a dreadfully uncomfortable conversation. "When I am came into the apartment…" Joey continued, recalling the whole incident from his perspective, leaving some parts out because they were not meant for the ears of little children. "I'm so sorry." Joey sincerely apologized when he was finished retelling the events.

Chandler shut his eyes; he would not let himself cry, not again, not when Sadie was sitting next to him.   "I do not know what to say." Chandler gasped.

"You should say, it's ok, daddy!" Sadie cheerfully spoke up, never taking her attention away from her coloring.  

Smiling, Chandler ran his finger lovingly through one of Sadie's pigtails.  "It's not that easy, sweetie." Chandler sighed, wishing that it were that simple.  He wanted to forgive Joey, but it was extremely difficult to forget about everything.

Sadie continued to color, moving the red crayon back and forth.  "Daddy!" Sadie squealed, "I dink you need to say dat!" Joey chuckled at the little girl's logic.  If only things could be as easy as they were when they were children.

Chandler sighed, he swirled his straw around in a circle.  "Joey…" Chandler's voice did not contain the same bitterness as it did before, "I don't think that our friendship will ever be the same.  You betrayed me." Chandler paused for a moment, "But I have grown up tremendously since I left, and those five years made me understand things that I did not know back then.  I don't think that I will ever forget what you have done to me, but I can try to forgive." 

 ****


	10. Chapter 9

**_Authors Note: _**_Sorry for lack of updates. I have been sick again and school has been so hard.  I kept on meaning to update, but I just did not know what to write.  I hope that you enjoy this chapter and thanks to everyone who has been posting reviews!  It makes me want to write more.  Since it's summer now, I defiantly won't wait another 3 months to update again, lol.  Please review and tell me what you want to happen next! Thanks again, Jackie._

****

Chapter 9 

****

****

Chandler walked around aimlessly; trying to make sense of his life.  Right after he had met up with Joey, he brought Sadie back to the apartment.  He wasn't in the right state of mind to be around her.  He wanted to forget the responsibility of having a child for one night and he needed to think about himself.  

Chandler needed to do was get his mind clear.  He couldn't believe that he actually forgiven Joey.  The only reason why he actually forgave him was because Sadie was there.  Maybe that was the way that things were meant to be.  It _had _been five years.  Chandler needed to learn how to forgive.  He needed his circle of friends back in his life.  He _wanted _his friends back in his life.  He didn't need and he didn't want to be the bitter person that he was.  

Closing his eyes Chandler took one step forward and prayed to God for a sign.  

"Chandler?" A timid voice called from behind.  Chandler whirled around and he stood face to face with the whole that stuck a knife in his heart.

Tears welled up in Chandler's eyes.  He looked at the line of shops, restaurants, and stores that lined the now desolate New York street.  One particular shop caught his eye.  "Want to um, get some coffee?" Chandler asked timidly.  As Chandler waited for a response, he remembered what Adriana had told him the day that she died; _she wanted him to move on._  She wanted him to make amends with his friends because life was too short for hatred and if he didn't all that he would be left with was regret.  He spent five years with hatred inside of him and where did that leave him?  Nowhere.  

"Yea, I would like that." Monica softly replied take Chandler out of his thoughts.  Chandler meekly smiled.

The _Central Perk_ was just how Chandler remembered it to be.  Instead of his circle of friends sharing their spot on the couch, a new, happier circle filled their place.  An empty table stood by the window and the former happy couple, sat across from each other.  They stood in silence for what seemed like eternity.  Chandler placed his hand around the huge midnight blue mug and took a sip of the black coffee.  

"I'm so sorry about what I said about your daughter." Monica spoke up first, "I was out of place and I lost control of my emotions." 

Chandler drummed his fingers on the table.  He did not look up because he knew that if he looked at Monica's face and into her deep blue eyes, he would start to cry.  

"Chandler…" Monica trailed off placing her hand on top of his, "Joey called me today." 

Chandler looked up at Monica.  Pools of water filled his eyes, "How could you do that to me?" Chandler's emotion filled voice was barely above a whisper, "Do you realize how much it hurt me when I saw you with him?"

"There was so much going on then Chandler." Monica responded with love in her voice, "I was going through so much, so much that you don't even know."

Chandler yanked his hand away from her.  As much as he wanted to forgive her, he couldn't.  His heart was broken in two and he did not know if it could be glued back together.

"Chandler, please listen." Monica cried.  Tears streamed down her face profusely.  "I didn't want to hurt you.  I loved you, I still love you, and I always will.  You are my soul mate, Chandler Bing."

Chandler swallowed hard, trying to make the lump that filled his throat go away.  "I don't know if I can forgive you, Monica." Chandler responded as tears trickled down his face, "I just don't know."  Then Chandler got up and left, leaving Monica an emotional mess.


	11. Chapter 10

Authors Note: Wow. Really sorry for lack of updates! I hope that this time I can keep on track more, but senior year has been keeping me so busy. I hope that you enjoy and I'd love to get any suggestions/reviews that you may have for me.  
  
Chapter 10  
  
Monica silently cursed herself as she watched Chandler's body saunter down the still bustling New York City street. She had thought that after she had talked with him, honestly and sincerely with no anger, he would forgive her. Unfortunately that was not the case.  
  
Soon Monica's heaving sobs filled the Central Perk. Angrily she stormed out the coffee house and sprinted down the long city block to try to catch Chandler. It was to no avail, Chandler must have already returned to Ross's place; back to the one woman in his life that he loved. Monica yearned to be that woman, even if it was a three-year old.  
  
"Wow," Monica spoke out loud as she pushed open the glass door to her apartment building, "I have sunk to a new low. Jealous of a toddler." She shook her head as she entered the elevator.  
  
Within minutes Monica reached her apartment. Her heart fluttered when she saw the red light on her answering machine blink incessantly. Maybe Chandler had changed his mind and called her to tell her that he had forgiven her; that he wanted to rekindle the hot romance that they once shared.  
  
With a shaky hand Monica hit the 'message' button. Instead of Chandler's voice flooding into her ears, Joey's New York drawl replaced it. "Monica, you won't believe who I." Furiously Monica ripped the machine off of the table and threw it against the wall causing it to break into pieces, just like her relationship with Chandler.  
  
Hot tears flooded down her cheeks. Once again sobs overtook her body. She put her hands to her face and let all of her emotions out. Never would she have thought it would have been this horrible. What happened to the strong Monica? The Monica that would be freaking out right now knowing that a mess was lying on the floor? She was gone, but Monica desperately wanted to find her. She needed to find that Monica so Chandler would once again fall in love with her.  
..................... Thankfully, the apartment was silent when Chandler entered it. He assumed that everyone was asleep and was surprised when the living room light flickered on.  
  
"Where have you been?" Rachel asked, as she stood cross-armed in her fluffy white robe.  
  
For a moment Chandler stood silent, he did not want to answer her but he knew that she was not going to let him reach the comfort of the guest bedroom until he did. "I just went to the Central Perk." Chandler replied conveniently leaving out the fact that he had not only talked to Joey, but to Monica as well.  
  
"Oh." Rachel replied shuffling over to the couch and plopping down on it. Chandler rolled his eyes. He knew that she wanted to talk. "Sadie told me that you had dinner with 'daddy's friend who ate a lot' today, but she couldn't remember his name." Rachel stared at Chandler wanting him to say something. When he didn't she continued, "Did it happen to be Joey?"  
  
Chandler sighed. He scratched his head as he too, retreated over the couch. "Yes, we talked for a bit, he explained to me everything. That's all."  
  
"Did you forgive him?" Rachel asked the question that Chandler had known was coming.  
  
"In a way." Chandler replied not wanting to elaborate. Although he made amends with Joey, he was not sure if his heart was fully ready to forgive him.  
  
"Chandler." Rachel sighed going to a place where she knew that she shouldn't go, but she had to at least give it a try, "I'm sure it was just a mistake. Joey and Monica never meant to hurt you in that way. It's been five years, do you think that it's about time move on?"  
  
Anger flashed into Chandler's now hollow blue eyes. He could not believe that Rachel, of all people, was saying this right now. "No." Chandler steadily replied, trying his hardest to hold back the fury in his voice, "Not only were Monica's actions that day unforgivable so were her actions that she displayed upon my return. I have had it Rach. Tomorrow I am packing up and leaving the city, never to return again. I can't put myself on the line again. I do not only have myself to look after I have Sadie as well. I can't put myself back into a tumultuous relationship with Monica again. Never." Chandler stormed out of the room leaving Rachel speechless. What had she done? 


	12. Chapter 11

Authors Note: So, I am keeping with my word, I am updating more. This chapter is longer than I usually write, which is a good thing, so I hope that you enjoy it. Any suggestions or comments I would love. Thanks for reading it, I hope that you enjoy.  
  
Chapter 11  
  
Ross shook his head at Rachel when he saw Chandler's suitcase sitting next to the corner of the door, all packed and ready for his and Sadie's departure from the city. Rachel stared back at Ross with regret hanging heavily on her face.  
  
"Just when progress was being made, you ruined it Rach!" Ross spit out angrily letting his coffee mug hit the kitchen table heavily. Rachel sighed and took a long sip of her coffee. "You aren't going to say anything?"  
  
"Don't blame it on me, Ross!" Rachel shot back angrily, "This was going to happen no matter what. You have to be delusional to think otherwise." A loud thump echoed through the apartment as Rachel slammed her and Ross's bedroom door shut.  
  
Rachel was right, Ross thought to himself. If Rachel and Chandler had not had that discussion last night, it would have been some other excuse that would have sent Chandler home. The fact remained that he just did not want to be in New York anymore. The pain was just too much for him, and he had already built a life for himself in California. Both Ross and Rachel were delusional in thinking that this one visit to the city would bring Chandler back for good.  
  
Suddenly a wave of regret came over Ross. With slow shuffling steps, he headed towards the guest bedroom. Ross clutched the cool doorknob and peered in on Chandler, who was sitting at the desk writing a letter. Quietly, Ross closed the door; he was certain that Chandler did not notice him.  
  
..............................................................................  
  
The blue pen was furiously writing across the paper. It was as if Chandler had no control over what he was writing, it was just coming out. Finally, he dropped the pen, folded up the letter and placed it in an envelope. Chandler glanced over at Sadie, who was still resting peacefully. He hated the fact that he was going to have to wake her in a few minutes if they wanted to get to JFK in time for their noon flight back to California. Sighing, Chandler sauntered over to the bed and sat down on the side of it. Gently he shook Sadie's shoulder, "Sweetie, it's time to get up." His soothing voice filled the room.  
  
Sadie's big brown eyes blinked open and her little mouth yawned. "No daddy, I go to sleep." She rolled over and closed her eyes again.  
  
"Sadie..." Chandler groaned as he lifted her up out of bed. She shrieked as the apartments cool air hit her warm skin.  
  
"Daddy! No!" Sadie cried as she tried unsuccessfully tried to wriggle her way out of Chandler's arms.  
  
Finally, she gave up and Chandler placed her back down on the bed. "We're going to go home." Chandler stated ignoring the pouts that Sadie was giving him.  
  
"You go home. I stay here." Sadie said with a smile, "I like it here."  
  
"We were only here for a few days. It's very different than what you think it is." Chandler replied as he gathered the remaining belongings that were scattered about the room. Then, he started to take off Sadie's pajamas and dress her into her everyday clothes.  
  
"No!" Sadie shrieked, "I don't want to go back!"  
  
Chandler rolled his eyes. Sadie was in one of her moods. They should call it the terrible threes. "I don't care what you want to do. I'm the daddy and we are going to go back home." Chandler raised his voice for one of the first times ever. He always let Sadie get whatever she wanted and he was not going to succumb to her wishes this time.  
  
"You're mean!" Sadie sniffled as tears were filled her eyes. Immediately regret filled Chandler, but he was not going to back down. He had to leave the city, and the sooner the better.  
  
"Sorry, sweetie, but this is what we have to do. Plus, don't you miss your friends?" Chandler replied. Sadie nodded her head, not answering him with words. Chandler already knew that the plane ride was going to be a long one.  
  
...............................................................  
  
It was already 9:30 am and Chandler was supposed to be at the airport two hours before the flight was set to depart. He took Sadie's hand and slung his duffle bag over his other shoulder. "Thanks for letting us stay here, guys." Chandler told Ross and Rachel giving them both a hug. "Sorry that things didn't work out the way that you wanted them to."  
  
"It's alright." Rachel replied for both her and Ross, "we are going to have to come out to California one day to see you guys."  
  
Chandler smiled, "Yea, maybe next year."  
  
"I'm going to miss you." Sadie cried as she gave Rachel a big hug. Tears filled Rachel's eyes as she said good-bye to the little girl.  
  
"Well," Chandler stated as he took a deep breath, "I guess it's time. The cab should be here soon."  
  
Ross stared at Chandler with tears in his eyes. Although he said that they could come to his home, he knew that it probably never would happen, and that more than likely they would never see Chandler again.  
  
"Ross, before I leave," Chandler paused for a moment as he took the crisp white envelope out of his jacket pocket, "could you give this to Monica?" 


	13. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

Minutes had passed but the envelope still rested in Ross's shaking hand.  He stared at the door in disbelief, waiting for Chandler to come back out and grab the letter away from him, saying that it was all a joke.  That he never meant to give a letter to Monica.  However, Ross knew that that was not going to happen.  Chandler had already got in a cab and was heading towards JFK.  In a couple of hours, he would be on the plane to California, never to return to New York again.  Never was an extremely strong phrase, but Ross knew that it was true.  By returning to the city, Ross could see that a part of Chandler's heart was torn up again.  His friend had been through so much in the past five years, it just was not fair.  To have your first real love cheat on you, your friend betray you, and your wife die all in a matter of years was unbelievable.  If Chandler could not find happiness with his sister, Ross hoped that he could find it with someone else.  As much as Chandler did not want to admit it, Sadie needed a mother.  Ross could even see that during the short time that she and Chandler spent with him and Rachel.

"Ross…" Rachel shouted snapping her fingers in front of Ross's face waking him out of the trance that he was in.  "What are we going to do with the letter?" Rachel inquired once Ross's attention was on her.

"Give it to Monica." Ross replied as if Rachel should have already known the answer.

Rachel sighed and slumped down on the couch, "What if it hurts Monica?  We can't do that to her." 

"I think that Monica would be even more hurt if we kept this letter from her.  She would never forgive us.  You know that yourself." Ross shot back.  

For a moment Rachel just stared at him.  In her head she was weighing out the pros and cons to each situation: giving Monica the letter and not giving her the letter.  She secretly wished that she could read the letter but she had no intention of breaking the thread of trust that they still had with Chandler.  Plus, it was personal letter, probably meant for only Monica and his eyes and if Chandler wanted her to read it, he probably would have showed it to her before he gave it to them.  Ross was right; it was not their decision to give the letter to Monica.  They would give the letter to Monica and then let her decide if she wants to open it up, or rip it into shreds.  "We'll give it to her." Rachel finally sighed, "Just let me take a shower first." Then, she got up and scuffed her way to the bathroom.  

As soon as she entered the door, Ross began to thumb the envelope.  He wanted to read it so badly.  Groaning, he threw the letter down on the coffee table and entered the kitchen.  Rachel would be out of the shower soon and then they would go to Monica's.

……………………………………………………………………

Butterflies filled both Ross and Rachel's stomach as they gently knocked on Monica's door.  They could hear shuffling inside, but to their dismay Monica did not open the door.  Ross took the liberty to knock again, this time louder.  

"Go away!" An agitated voice from inside screamed out.  

Ross and Rachel looked back at one another.  Rachel let out a huge sigh and stomped her foot loudly.  Monica was stubborn, and if she was crying, which Rachel knew that she was, there was no way that she was going to answer the door.  "Fine, Mon," Rachel shouted, "be like that.  But Chandler left you something." Rachel motioned for Ross to slip the letter under the door.  

"I slipped it under the door." Ross grunted, wishing that he had been able to see Monica's face when they handed her the letter.  The happy couple stood at the door for a moment, hoping that Monica would open it, or just say something to them.   Unfortunately, she did not.  Finally they left.

……………………………………………………………………..

A crying Monica stood silent in her apartment, waiting for Rachel's clunky heals to be down the stairs.  When the thuds slowly echoed away, Monica allowed her self to get out of the purple kitchen chair.  Gradually she made her way to the door.  When she reached it, she bent down and picked up the crisp white envelope.  She could feel her heart thudding loudly in her ears and a lump begin to form again in her throat.  It felt like hours before Monica let out a quivering breath.  As she walked back to the table, a small tear slid down her face.  She knew that if Chandler wrote her a letter, it meant that he still cared about her.  Deep down inside, he still cared and that hit Monica hard.  She didn't care if what was written in there were harsh words, the only thing that mattered was that he took the time to write her a letter.

With trembling hands Monica began to open the package.  She gasped when her eyes came across what was inside.  The piece of jewelry that she had cherished for five years, the ring that Chandler threw across the room in anger, was in the envelope.  Tears cascaded down Monica's cheeks even more rapidly now.  Carefully she set aside the ring and unfolded the white sheet of paper enclosed.  His handwriting was just as she remembered it.  It did not change at all.  For a moment she closed her eyes, and then she opened them again.  It was a minute before she permitted herself to read the letter:

_Monica,_

_I don't know why I decided to write you this letter.  My intentions were to just leave the city and never to return.  Never to talk to you again, but as I sit here, I know that I cannot do that.  A piece of you is, and always will be with me.  You were the person who first showed me what real love was.  You opened my eyes and my heart.  Those few years that I spent with you were some of the most amazing years of my life.  As long as I live I will never forget the love that we shared.  I will never forget your smile, your laugh, your face; I will never forget you.  It was a long time ago when I gave you a part of my heart, and you still have that part today.  Instead of being filled with love, joy, and laughter, it is now filled with pain and sorrow.  Until I returned to New York, I had no idea how intense the pain was.  Most of the time, I pretended as if it never existed, but the fact is that it will always remain.  You tore apart my heart and I don't know if it can ever fully be mended.  _

_When my wife died, she told me that I needed to forgive, that I needed to let my old friends back into my life because life was too short to be filled with hatred.  I'm sorry Monica, but I just cannot do it.  I don't want to relive heartache, because I know this time, I won't be strong enough to survive._

_Enclosed is the ring that I had intended to symbolize our undying love for one another.  Now when you look at the right, I just want you to remember all of the good times that we shared.  I still do love you and I always will. Even though, I moved away, I never stopped caring about you.  I will always care about you.  Maybe that is why it hurt so much, because I loved you so much.  Goodbye Monica, it is time for you to move on.  Forget about me, everything happens for a reason and maybe we just weren't meant to be. _

_                                                     Love Always, _

_                                                     Chandler Bing_

For a moment, Monica stood silent as she let every word that Chandler wrote sink it.  It was not long before she bang to sob hysterically.  It would have been so much easier if he had just wrote to her telling her that he hated her.  That he never wanted to be around her, that he was glad that she was out of his life.  That would have made it easier to move on.  But to know that he still cared about her, that he still loved her, made it unbearable.  All that she wanted to was to hold Chandler in her arms.  She wanted to be with him.  

Monica wiped away her tears.  She knew what she had to do.  She was going to get his address from Rachel, pack her suitcase, and take the next flight out to California.  If she saw him, she would be able to tell her how much she loved him.  How she would never hurt him again, how this time it would work.  It just had to work.  They were soul mates, no matter what anyone else said.  In her heart she knew that Chandler Bing was her soul mate, and she would stop at nothing to get him back.


	14. Chapter 13

Authors Note: Sorry for the lack of updates! I promised myself that I would update more, but I had no idea what to write about! Then everything just got so busy with school and college stuff.  Senior year is not all that it's crack up to be.  Anyway, I hope that you enjoy this chapter.  Please post any comments, criticism, or ideas about what you would want to happen next.  I think that I'm going to end this story soon.  Maybe two more chapters then an epilogue.  Tell me what you think.  Thanks for reading…Enjoy  

Chapter 13****

The cab ride from the airport to Chandler's house seemed to take an eternity.  Chandler glanced down at Sadie, who was sleeping across his lap, and gently placed a kiss on top of her head.  "I did this for you."  His sad blue eyes stared out the cab's window at the passing houses.  Finally, it parked in front of Chandler's two-story home.  

"Chandler, what are you doing back so early?!" A woman called from across the street as Chandler got out of the cab holding Sadie.  

Groaning, Chandler responded, "It's a long story, Cassie."

"I have time.  I'll stop by later." She responded.  Chandler sighed, but agreed anyway.  When Adriana was sick died, Cassie had been there for them, and when she had died, Cassie was Chandler's shoulder to cry on.  She knew Chandler in ways that no one else did, plus Chandler wanted and needed someone to talk to.

Chandler walked into his home and after setting his suitcase by the front door; he carried Sadie up to her bedroom.  Her room was fit for a princess.  His mother said that he spoiled her too much, and she was right, he did.  Carefully he placed her down on her canopy bed and tucked her under the covers.  Quietly he closed the door behind him and headed into his room.  

The floor squeaked underneath him as Chandler dragged his tired feet to his bed.  As he sat on he looked up at the wedding picture of he and a smiling Adriana.  Tears began to fill his eyes and a lump filled his throat.  Instead of holding them back like he so often did, he just let them out.  Seven months had gone by since she passed away but time did not make it any easier.  Secretly, he had hoped that the trip to New York would awaken him and rejuvenate him.  He wanted to be happy again, he wanted to be in love in again.  

"Why?" Chandler screamed out, "Why God, why did you have to take her away?" Chandler sobbed.  Letting his tears flow freely, Chandler picked up his wedding album that resided on his nightstand.  With every page that he turned another tear trickled down his face.  "Anyone that I have ever loved has been taken away from me." Chandler cried and threw the album to the foot of his bed.  He couldn't bear the site of them anymore.  He wanted to be that man again.  He wanted to bring Adriana back.  More than anything he wanted to be in love again.

Chandler laid on his bed for what seemed like hours with his eyes closed, remembering happier times.  There were so many instances where all that he felt like doing was to break down and cry, but he had kept strong.  He had to keep strong, for his little girl.  Day after day all that he did was go through the motions.  He would wake up every morning, drop off Sadie at his in-laws, go to work, pick Sadie up, go home, and then repeat the same cycle the next morning.  There was never a time where he was fully able to grieve.

This was it.  Today was the day where Chandler was going to turn everything around.  He had to move on and move past his own grief and start to live life again.  Peeling himself off of his bed, Chandler walked over to the bathroom where he washed his face with the cool trickling water.  The cold water pricked his face and enlivened him.  Adriana would want him to do this; when she was sick she even told him that she did not want him to be grief-stricken.  She wanted him to enjoy life.  She had wanted him to enjoy their daughter and be there to experience everything that she would miss.  Most of all, she wanted Chandler to move on, she wanted him to find someone else to shower with love.

Chandler turned off the faucet and walked down the yellow hallway to Sadie's pink palace room.  He stared at her peaceful sleeping body.  Even though everyone told him that she looked like him, he could see so much of Adriana in her.  

The doorbell rang, taking Chandler out of his thoughts.  He opened the door fully expecting Cassie to be standing on the other side.

"Monica…" Chandler gasped as his face turned white.


	15. Chapter 14

_Authors Note:  Thank you so much for all of the wonderful reviews!  It makes me so happy that you enjoy reading my story.  I hope that you enjoy this chapter as well. Please review! _

Chapter 14

****

"Chandler," Monica's voice shook as she spoke, "I'm not backing down.  I'm not going to go.  I love you. Please give me a chance.  Let me explain." She stood silently, waiting for him to respond as she fiddled with the bottom of her black shirt.

Chandler's head told him to slam the door in her face and never look back again, but his heart told him to let her inside.  "Come in." Chandler responded succumbing to the desires of his heart.  He closed the door behind her and led her into the family room.  "Sorry for the mess." Chandler stated embarrassed as he picked up stray Barbie dolls that lay haphazardly on the floor.  

"Chandler…" Monica whispered grabbing his hand, but like an involuntary reaction he quickly flinched away.  "I don't care about the mess."  Monica sat down on the dark blue couch.  At first Chandler went down to sit next to her, and then he quickly sat on the opposite side.  He could hear his heart's rhythmic beating in his head.  Monica inched her way over to him and her piercing blue eyes looked straight into his sad cool blue eyes.  "Don't be mad at Ross and Rachel, I found your address myself.  I had to come out here.  I couldn't let you slip away again." Monica solemnly stated.  

"If you came here wanting me to confess my love to you, it's not going to happen." Chandler spoke bitterly, but Monica could hear his voice crack.  She knew him better than almost anyone; she knew that deep down he still loved her.  He stood up and began to pace around the room.  Monica followed his lead and stood up as well.  When she got up, her eyes gazed upon the top of the entertainment center, where what was obviously a family portrait sat.  Not knowing what came over her, Monica reached out for the picture.

Tears flooded her eyes as she spoke.  "Is this your wife?" 

Chandler snatched the picture out of her hand.  He tried to hold back the tears as he looked at that one moment in time.  Sadie was sitting in his lap and Adriana had her arms wrapped around his neck.  It was right after they discovered Adriana's illness and she was adamant about getting a family picture to capture that moment in time.  It was the last family picture that they had taken.  "She passed away a few months ago." Was all that Chandler could say.  Carefully he placed the picture back in its rightful place.

Although Monica never knew his wife, she felt as if a knife stabbed her own heart when Chandler told her the news.  "I'm so sorry." Monica sincerely spoke.

Monica reached out and softly stroked Chandler's arm.  This time, he didn't flinch away.  "Thanks." He smiled meekly at her. 

"Listen, Chandler…" Monica paused for a moment as she cautiously walked back to the couch, "What I said at Rachel's that day, I didn't mean.  I was just upset.  I had no intention of hurting you, or saying that thing about your daughter.  I just got caught up in the moment.  I was… I don't know, I can't…"

"I understand." Chandler cut Monica off, "It did mean something.  I didn't waste my money." Chandler said so softly Monica barely heard him.  Tears began to stream down Chandler's face.  He had no idea what he was doing, but he sat right down next to a shaking Monica.  His head was yelling at him, telling him that he needed to stop, but he couldn't control what his heart was doing.  "I did love you and I'm afraid that I still do." Chandler's voice cracked as he spoke the last line.  He was putting himself out again.

A shocked expression came across Monica's face.  She was not expecting him to say that.  All that she wanted to do was to reach out and give him a huge bear hug, but she restrained herself.  "I do too.  I always have and always will."  

Quickly Chandler got up and bolted over to the other side of the room.  Although he wanted more than anything to let Monica back into his life, there was something that was holding him back.  "Why?"

"Why what?" Monica asked confused.

"Why did you sleep with Joey?" Chandler spoke slowly and when he closed his eyes, he was brought back to that day.  His heart was breaking all over again.

Monica took a deep breath.  She knew that this question was coming and this was the reason why she flew out to California.  It was time to explain the truth.  She had to tell him about the baby.  She had to tell him about all of her fears that she had then, she had to divulge everything that she had repressed about the biggest mistake of her life.  "I think that you should sit down for this." Monica gently stated.  Once Chandler sat down on the couch, Monica explained everything.  His ears heard things that were locked away in her memory and unconscious for the longest time.  "I never wanted to hurt you, I never wanted to end our relationship." Monica ended through tears.

A wave of love and sympathy came over Chandler as he reached forward and brought Monica into a hug.  Monica was shocked, but she did not pull away.  She let herself cry in his arms, allowing herself to breath in his musky cologne.   "It's ok." Chandler's voice was filled with concern and love, "I'm not going to leave now."  Monica's head jerked up and looked into Chandler's eyes.  "You do know that we can't rush into anything." Chandler half smiled.

"I know." Monica weakly replied, "I wouldn't want to."


	16. Epilogue

Authors Note:  It's finally here.  What you have all been waiting for.  It's been two years in the making (sorry again for the delay), this is going to be the last chapter.  I am actually kind of sad, this story has been a part of me for the longest time.  I hope that you enjoy the epilogue and please review and tell me if you like it.  Thanks for taking the time to read the story.  If you want me to write a sequel, please let me know. 

Epilogue 

****

Four Years Later:

Pools of tears began to fill Monica's eyes as she looked at herself in the mirror.  Ask her nine years ago if she ever thought that this day would be here, the answer would have been a firm "no."  But it finally was!  There she was in her late thirties standing in front of a floor length mirror in a crisp white wedding dress.  For the most part of her life, all that she had wanted to do was to get married.  Before all of this happened, she would have never waited four years for a guy to propose to her, but this was not just any guy.  It was Chandler Bing.  Her soul mate; the man that she would have waited an eternity for. 

"You look so beautiful." Rachel let out as her eyes ran up and down Monica's wedding dress.  

"I know!" Monica screeched, her eyes glistening with anticipation of the day ahead of her.  Then, Monica delicately touched the intricate beading on her dress, as memories of the past years flooded her.  That night, where on whim she flew out to see Chandler, never fully expecting that as a result of it she would be standing here today.  Memories of the day where both she and Chandler almost had a heart attack because Sadie fell off of the swing and broke her wrist.  Rachel was right to be afraid of swings; they are dangerous.  But even though that day was terrible, it brought them closer together as a couple.  A smile plastered across Monica's face when she remembered Chandler's proposal.  It was so beautiful, almost like a fairytale.  He brought her to Disney Land at night and proposed to her in Cinderella's Castle.

"Are you thinking about Chandler?" Rachel asked when she observed the smile planted on Monica's face.  Monica nodded, her smile never leaving her glowing face.  "I can't believe that I am maid of honor and yours and Chandler's wedding!  I never thought that this day was going to come." Rachel stated amazed.

"I did." Phoebe responded from the corner of the hotel room.  Both Monica and Rachel's heads darted towards her, their facial expressions asking, "how?"  Phoebe chuckled, "She is his lobster."

Rachel laughed, leave it to Phoebe to say something like that.  Monica's shoes clunked as she walked over to Rachel and Phoebe.  "I can't believe that all six of us are going to be together again." Monica tried her hardest not to let her tears roll down her cheek.

"Well, I can't believe that you left New York!  I'm jealous Mon, you get to live in sunny California." Rachel joked, trying to ease the nerves that were filling the room.

Monica chuckled slightly and looked at the clock.  In less than hour she was going to be Mrs. Chandler Bing.  

……………………

Today was the big day.  Chandler sat on the edge of his bed, holding a small picture in his hand.  His room was silent, but underneath him was bustling with activity.  Someone tapped lightly on his bedroom door.  Sadie peeked into the room.

"You ok daddy?" She asked, inviting herself into his room.  The door closed quietly behind her and she sat next to her father.  Her eyes set onto the six-year-old picture that her father was holding in his shaking hand.  Sadie tried her best to remember that day, but it was too long ago.  She barely had any recollection of her mother; the only mother figure that she really ever knew was Monica.   "Mommy is looking down on you smiling, daddy.  She's happy for you."  Sadie stated as she laid her head down on her father's shoulder.

Chandler smiled at his daughter and gently ruffled her hair, "I know."  Then Chandler took the picture and placed it into his nightstand drawer.  His life with Adriana was in the past and his new life with Monica was beginning today.  It still shocked him that he was going to marry Monica.  The past four years had been a whirlwind filled with hope, love, and forgiveness.  That night that Monica showed up on his doorstep changed his life.  He finally allowed his broken heart to mend.

"Sorry to break the moment, but we need to be at the hotel in like twenty minutes." Ross stated after knocking on the bedroom door.  Sadie jumped off Chandler's bed and bolted into her room.  Chandler laughed and looked at himself in the mirror.  His hair was spiked and his three-piece suit was just the way Monica liked it.

"I never got to thank you for making me take that trip to New York." Chandler smiled.  Ross reached over to give Chandler a handshake, but instead he brought him into a hug.

"No problem man." Ross sincerely replied.  

Chandler took one last look at his bedroom before closing the door behind him.  Followed by Ross, he walked over to Sadie's bedroom.  "Sweetie, are you ready?  You know Monica will have my head if we're…" Before Chandler could finish Sadie popped out of her room.  Chandler's eyes became misty when he looked at his little girl.  Her dark brown hair made the white flower girl's dress shine.  She no longer looked like his baby; she was growing up.

"Daddy, don't cry." Sadie smiled. 

"I'm not.  I just got something in my eye." Chandler responded.  Ross looked over at him and shook his head.  It still amazed him how Chandler interacted with his daughter. When they walked over to the head of the stairs, Joey was at the bottom video taping the whole event.  It was amazing how well everyone finally got along.  Today was the first day in years that all six friends would be reunited.  It was still a shock that this was finally here.

……………………

Chandler shakily stood at the alter.  His heart was beating so fast and his palms were sweaty.  He had done this before, why was he so nervous?  As he looked out into the pews, his family and friends sat before him.  His father was even there, per Monica's wish, sitting next to his mother.  This day was a more than a decade in the making.  

The wedding procession began to start, and Chandler was jerked out of his thoughts.  Ross and Rachel were the first ones to walk down the isle, followed by a smiling Phoebe and Joey.  Sadie followed, throwing delicate red and white rose pedals across the isle.  It seemed like forever, but then everyone in the church stood up.  A lump formed in Chandler's throat and tears were in his eyes as his beautiful bride began to walk down the isle.  

"You look beautiful." Chandler whispered into Monica's ear after her father had given her away.  She smiled, revealing her pearly white teeth.  They both stood in front of their proud family and friends as the ceremony began.

When the time came for the vows, both Chandler and Monica were already crying.  

"Chandler…" Monica began stopping to take a deep breath, "nine years ago I never would have imagined that I would be standing here today.  I have wondered for so long if I would ever find my prince, my soul mate, and then I found so much more, I… I found you.  You are so much more than I could have ever asked for.  We have been through so much and I can't imagine anyone else who I'd want to spend the rest of my life with."

Chandler looked deep into Monica's eyes.  He reached out and wiped away her tears before he said the vows that he wrote.  "Monica, I can't begin to put into words how much you mean to me.  We have been through so much together and never once did I stop loving you." Chandler's voice cracked, but he continued, "You're a fighter and your amazing spirit is what drew me back to you.  Whatever comes our way, I know that we'll be ok, because I love you.  Our love is what brought us back together.  You are the person who I was meant to spend the rest of my life with."  When Chandler finished, everyone in the church was bawling.  

"By the powers vested in me by the state of California, I pronounce you husband and wife.  I present to you, Mr. and Mrs. Chandler Bing." The priest stated at the close of the ceremony.  

Monica looked and Chandler and smiled.  The biggest mistake of her life was finally made right.  Finally she was Monica Bing.  "I can't wait to begin the journey of life together." Chandler whispered in Monica's ear when they were safely in the limo. 

"We started that journey years ago." Monica smiled, her blue eyes glowing.  Chandler leaned in to kiss his happy bride.  His life was finally complete.


End file.
